Did you hear about that terrible fire in a club in Rio de Janeiro? It killed over 200 people! There is absolutely nothing funny about this and it is extremely sad and tragic. However, I have a sick and twisted mind and I instantly thought of three different jokes involving rap songs with the words “club” and “fire” in them when I heard about this. I saw an opportunity and I took it. Sort of like when someone is like “Here, Sugar fein, hold my delicious, warm, ooey gooey chocolate chip cookie and keep it safe while I disappear for 15 minutes.” Well obviously I will hold it and keep it safe and warm… in my tummy. Thats how it works. I only have so much self-restraint. Okay zero. I have zero self restraint.

In other news, I had a wildlife encounter yesterday on my front porch. I came home around midnight and was looking at my phone while I was walking up to my door and I heard a weird sound and looked up and raccoon. I swear for a second I was like “Damn. If I just had some crackers Meeko loved crackers.” And then the giant-non-Meeko-raccoon looked me straight in the eye and screamed. My only verbal response was “Nooo.” I flung my water bottle and sprinted back to my car, where I sat for 10 minutes waiting for my fluffy friend to make his leisurely exit.

My brother turned 18 today. 

This is here. Laugh.

Things I like today:

Toro y Moi’s new album.

My sister’s birthday.

Coffee.

Being busy.

Downton Abbey. 

This panoramic of LA’s skyline I took from the rooftop bar at the Perch

Friends.

Family.

Yummy homemade food.

Plans.

  There are few things more joyous than braving the crowds during the holidays and heading to your local mall. And by joyous I do mean terrifying. I cant think of a more effective birth control then watching overstimulated, sugar riddled, screaming children melt to the floor or knock over every shoe display in sight. I can only assume that this is what they think will persuade their parents into dropping a ridiculous amount of cash on some gadget that will lie forgotten under their bed two days after Christmas. And they’re probably right.

  Delightful as children screaming over toys may be I can think of another scenario that prominently features screaming children and the spirit of the Holidays. Every year parents force their kids into their most itchy and uncomfortable clothing and into line behind hundreds of others to capture the magical moment when they will sit on a stranger’s polyester-clad lap and tell him their most desired wish. This magical moment normally ends up looking something like this:

I feel like the parents in this situation definitely overlooked the fact that this particular Santa looks like he’s had a few priors/ is coked out of his mind.